bulat bulat

performens enzaiyeti (performance anxiety)

Jangan mengadu pada blogs, @ fesbuk @ twitter @frenster( itupon kalau masih ada).. Tapi mengadulah pada Allah SWT yang menyusun dan menentukan perkara yang akan berlaku pada diri setiap individu di muka bumi ini.

But, Im still want to erm, confiding (sharing perhaps) to some of my fear I have to face daily, which is being afraid of under performance or more rightly to be call performance anxiety..

Well, it goes like this. Everyday, my sv will record our work count, and my count I can say is the lowest of the most. And Ive been thinking that he might have this -ve thoughts on me and indicate me as one who have to be eye-on. And it can bring to worse where I feel like I'll lost my chance to be in better position or will be under-estimate by the upper managements @ even my colleagues.

This really stress me out, and like usual the way I took to conquer this is by acting like nothing happen, and ignore the 'heck' im facing and let it grow like a cancer and Im just waiting it going to explode in myself.. Allah hai~~ -_-"

Ive google some webs that might help me to overcome this, and from what Ive read, these are the ways that can help me to prevent the overwhelm situation.

1. maintain my perspective

• maintain healthy lifestyle and work. (diet, body and mind healths)
  
• jotting down successes in a journal to help keep perspective, can make us to realize we can be more successful and help to build confidence when we stress about work performance hits.

2. Ask for help

• when you not clear with some jobs correctly, in most casses asking your boss to clarify his directions may be helpful, and shows that you're eager to do a good job
  
• if you cant shift any of your responsibility, try to breaking each large task to smaller, manageable parts that feels lees daunting.

3. Lighten the load

• by discussing with a good friends @ family member
• BE CAUTIOUS WHEN DISCUSSING UNDER PERFORMANCE ANXIETY OR OTHER-WORK RELATED STRESSES WITH COLLEAGUES, because its possible that the might spread the information around and try to against you. Make sure you discuss with someone you feel you can trust the most :)

4. Pursue activities outside of work.

• pursuing continued education related to job

• gaining further expertise through courses, workshops, or retreats - this may help to boost confidence and abilities ;)
• doing or participate in volunteer work can all give you the feelings that work is not the central part of your life

5. Love your work

Just like and love what you were doing now. Get know the job scopes more wider from normally you were doing. Try to ask more challenging tasks , and try your best to accomplish the works as best you can done. Ignore whatever peoples surround may says about it, just be grateful things done, and if possible, try to record a personal measure so you can make it as an indicator and try to make it more better next time. And last but not least, do your work with sincere, which is more worth it than any physical response due to a good work.

Well, successful is an amount of LITTLE discipline that being observe and practice CONTINOUSLY. Buat kerja banyak2 ,bina disiplin kecil- kecilan. So goodluck for myself in conquering my own fear,mwahahaa ~~ May Allah leads me for a better attitude and life. Amin..

Sharing is caring?? Well, what say you? Anyway ....

The 2011 own stories ..

I can say, half of my 2011 isnt going so well. So many aspects like life, relationship (w' parents, friends, social contact) and working experiences were include in.. But in the same aspects, I can say its not going that bad. Well, Ive learned from the past, and try to conquer it (even its not going as Ive expected). Tapi takpelaa kot, thats why the phrase like' Life must go on' were created, kan?

My working experiences, like the one Ive put on my resume, adelah kot 4-5 kerja, hee.. On January till early March, worked as temp teacher (subt for teacher who take maternity leave) for primary school is one of the most unforgettable moments ever. Somehow, I can say being a teacher is a very cool job. Erk, neglect the parts where I can be so upset or naik hantu when my students dint really want to listen to me, or bergaduh2 masa PJK, yaa ampuuuunnn, menangis di dalam hati taw saye, huhu.. Tapi, what can we say on that. Budak is still budak. Can be adorable and insanely cute, BUT SO NAUGHTY AND STUBBORN. Dan kesabaran acapkali teruji, okeh??

And part paling tak tahan bila kena mengajar PJK, muzik (menyanyi sambil menari2 kau, kelas tak?? ;) selain sciences, maths, english, sometimes replace for Pend. Agama Islam (fuuhh~~ -_-") , etc.. Still, hoping I can meet with those kids again.. TQ for accepting me kids as a small part of your life journey. May my students having a good life ahead, InsyaAllah :)

2nd job in 2011, as Project Coordinator in this company (cant mention the co's name, sangat sensitipppp).. Erm, I dint want to say its a big mistakes joining to 'this' company. Like Ive drag my bestfriends to be a part of it, and sama- sama tersusah hidup akibat sale payah sangat nak masuk because of our clients think its a cons project. But the best part is, I learn the ways how to communicate well with peoples, esp with those who we never know before. Still, a good experience that shall remain in mind forever, hmm~~

And for 1.5 months, being a succesful loafer, go to every interview wherever I get the chance, and on end of July I were accept to my current company, as one of the staff in these scanning and imaging project. Well, really learn a lot, esp in
some software and hardware stuffs. And me with some staffs were contractly running for Pej, Tanah KL project. Surely, there some new experiences too. Ya, what for I care about geran, or apa2 berkaitan tanah sebelum ni. Tapi Ive been introduce and getting familiar with some land transactions, and hey.. also can explain and giving some advices to my friends and neighbours about the transactions done in Pej. Tanah.. Cool kan? And terasa agak dewasa tatkala berbicara mengenai harga tanah, transaksi, etc dengan rakan2 ;)

Well, end of contract, dengan rakusnya saya terus mencari kerja dan cube 'menerai' to be accept to this major bookstore in KLCC, and grateful to Allah, it isnt take so long and Ive been accepted a week after applied. Tapi bertahan sebulan sahaja sebab mungkin my biologically body cant accept to working shifts, as well working on weekend, hehe.. Customer service kinokuniya, left with so many reasons. Still, a very good platform for me to polish my english comm skills, how to communicate with such type of persons etc. Ya, mainly on how to communicate well lah :) And how I will miss all the books smell, the sooth and calm environments. Hm, mungkin lebih better kalau saye jadi customer dari customer service nyer, hee~ ;)

Ujung bulan doblas, masuk balik current company dengan tak malu nyer atas ehsan boss yang recognize saye, wuwuwu~~ Dan secara tetibe nyer terazam mau jadik seorang pekerja yang lebih dedicate dan rajin, woceh2~ ;) Erm, kali ni projek untuk Arkib Negara.. And waaaaa, sangat teruje melantun2 sebab kali ni kami scanning project untuk old documents, surat menyurat sebelum tahun 1900.. And seriously, its not really easy to read their writings, sebab tulisan orang dolu- dolu sangat berseni, siap ada ekor2 bunga lagi. And compare dengan tulisan sendiri, hmm jauh beza langsung terus moral down, haha ;) Sebenarnya, apa yang membuat saye ter'eksaited' jumpa dengan old documents ni kerana saya terasa seperti ada connection dengan orang dulu- dulu.. Erm, Im not sure wether I can explain here what do it contains in these old documents, so its PNC for a moment :)

Still, hoping for a silver line this year. May I learn more after this, and may my boss naikkan gaji lagi sikit haha, joking2.. Its not just about increasing working skills, it also how to improve own disciplines and attitudes in upcoming days. So hoping for everyone good life, and Assalamualaikum (.^,^.)


p/s:ouhh, how boring the entry , kan?.. Well,I think this is the true me.. Nyte alls..

Im no more typing, because im boring. My life has no excited-ness like else's.. Im typical grown up girls-to-be-makcik-budak who try the hardest to understand the main reason why Ive been born to this world in 'such' chaotic sometimes happen in my life.

I keep talked to myself before, I have to do this and that. Ya, there's a planning, looks like very perfect one. BUT, theres no actions regarding to plans. And this is so typical Syakierah anak kepada Encik Rosli dan Puan Noor Aini. My parents has nothing to do with it, Im just pity them to have such eldest daughter like myself.

And now I believe, serve sulk in heart without doing nothing in so useless.. Yah, till when I should relies to peoples surround to think for my OWN problem's solutions?? Marah sangat pada diri sendiri. Seriously hangin !!

And when all the muddle come, I sometimes forget that I have HIM for me to turn to. Im easily forget that I have the Holy Quran for me to treat all the sulkness, or perhaps it may help to relieves it a lil' bit. I also sometimes forgot that I have the prayer mat for me to sat meditating and unbosom all unsavoury feelings and appreciate the sense splendours of love in HIM. Im not that young anymore to find myself a pleasure by hanging out with friends for bowlings, or karaoke-ing, or movies. A peaceness heart and true love for HIM all I want the most now. InsyaAllah..

Everyone, including myself dont have the idea when and where the Izrail will take our life. Will I really can R.I.P there, or will I live terribly 'after the line' later? Nauzubillah.. May we all be avoided from such things.

So things I have to do now is 'treating my heart' a lot. Im so hot temper before so the solution is try to be more calm and patient (yah, sounds easy, but I HAVE TO TRY IT, no other choices, NO !!)

May Allah giving us the strength to facing all the coming 'test'. Allah knows best. Alhamdulillah for all the love feelings at heart that conferred by HIM to us..

Guess I should stop now. Ending the post by praying to HIM for the unstoppable grateful feelings and continously faithfull upon HIM, InsyaAllah.. Happy lunch and happy heart. Papai~

Im seriously miss the last Ramadhan.. Cepatlaa tahun depan..

Mari merungut people !!!!!

1. Can it be more cheaper public transport rate to get to my office??

2. Oh please dont pee 'pleasantly' you drunken night people on my walking path to the office.. Busuk tau dak ??? Ergh..

3. Should 'I' start the conversation or greet 'you' first, 'you' snobbish sour face ??

4. Why it is so many immigrant @ people on my way back from work??

5. Dear uncle taxi, how can you add up another ringgit from LRT Cempaka to my house? Its not worth it with the service you provide. Paham??

6. I need my own space, and my own time, and my own life, get it ??!!! So 'shuh' you away from my perimeter. Arghh~~ !!

7. I hate you retard-'sms'ers, who dont want to reveal yourself. Makan kasut nak tak?
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Istighfar banyak, kan lagi bagus, betol tak?

Ya easy as said. I believe, its not really easy to be so good and nice and sweet and accept everything happen with open-heart.. Ya, I may be have this little bit hot- temper attitude, which has lead me to become more negative and annoy peoples around and (sometimes even myself) in each minutes in my life.

Well, I should be thankful to Allah anyway, because He born me in Muslim family. Im a Muslim since born, Ive been taught to solat, recite Quran and etc..

Since kid age, Ive been sent to kindergarten where it is majorly teaching basic religious topics such how to recite muqaddam, how to perform solah, how to pray the du'a, the do's and the dont's in Islam, and to get know the great Rasulullah (pbuh) and his nice good attitudes for us to follow with.

Hm, reminisce a little bit about our great Prophet Muhammad (pbuh)'s stories about how HARD it is for him to spread the preaching. With all the ridicule and opposition he have to face, and all the threatens like murdering him and his families and friends.

.......Terkedu.........Terkesima.......Terharu.........

So, to myself Cik Kuat Merungut, try lah to accept and try to be more open- heart, can you? You were going to office, to do your typical-damn-easy work everyday, not going to some battle-war, bringing along riffles or else. Please lah, be more grateful and cherish everything has been given to you from Allah SWT. Praise to Allah to all the sustenance and life and living, be more positive and strong in days ahead, will ya? Hmm.. Think of peoples who is having far much difficulties in their daily life. Or just think if Allah SWT taking back all the convenient you have right now, wont it make you feel to be more aprreciate and grateful upon HIM, hm?

Being grateful is part of faith. So, if theres any situation or things you dont really like to face, just try to set in your mind to zikr upon Him and to our dearest Rasullullah SAW. Senyum sokmo might help, a lil bit perhaps, hmm.

So, its not really important to bothering about the retard-sms'ers, or the uncle taxi, or the pendatang asing dlm LRT or rapid bus etc.. Just bother more how am I going to cope with all these situation, itu lebih penting, isnt it? Hmm Hmm..

So seems it is Ramadhan, which is the most waiting moment in whole year, where you double the jariah practice, you give a chance to your self (and your stomach) to rest and calm more and focusing on the efforts to be better persons in days ahead. Dont bother or hesitate of what people might say about the change, just go ahead do you things, and it is the bless from Allah SWT is more important to be taken into consideration. Have a blast Ramadhan to myself and all of Muslims out there. And may all our brothers and sisters in Palestine and all the states having difficulties in living their life may Allah SWT blessed you all too. Assalamualaikum and happy fasting :) (Practicing to smile more, ikhlas ikhlas, huu~)

p/s : Islam is the way of life. Mari cube try test praktikkannya..Erk, susah? Try minta tolong mak or friends and share the stories of the difficulties you facing, even it may sounds er, stupid. Hm.. Anyway, Ganbate !!!